I am so confused, I don’t know what I want, I don’t know how I actually feel or how I wanna feel about everything that’s been happening lately, I feel like the three months of quarantine were extremely extremely weird for me because I could feel myself going into depression every single night and then getting out of it in the morning it was like a vicious loop, I remember the days when I cried for hours, legit till the time it triggered my migraine or made me extremely anxious.
I have gotten so many anxiety attacks and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain these things to people because people have a habit of invalidating emotions.
Humans are incapable of understanding other people’s feelings. Empathy is just a societal norm which people show that they follow but deep within everybody is selfish and self centered including me.
Coming back to the three months, I don’t know how do describe it.
It’s like a very hollow feeling when I look back at the past three months, bitter-sweet I’d say. The whole idea of this pandemic and the lock-down was very overwhelming for the entire world and not just for the people suffering from anxiety. It’s only now that people around me have actually started addressing mental health issues as real world problems.
Also, I must say that I have learned some major skills and life lessons in these three months as well and that’s why I wouldn’t say that it was horrible entirely but when it used to get bad it used get bad like never before.
I am more of an escapist, I believe in changing my surroundings whenever life starts to overwhelm me.
I don’t like dealing with the problems because it gives me anxiety and all the things that happened with me during the lock-down was mainly because I did not have an escape. If I had the option of going out I would have distracted myself in 1000 ways, that’s how I’ve always dealt with situations but this lock-down left me with no option other than facing everything and feel the pain.
It’s like my worst nightmare had come to haunt me, for real.
It’s not like I don’t like solitude. It’s just that I like having my options open, I like feeling in charge of my life, I like taking control and this lock-down made me feel helpless like I had no choice but to do this.
I am a rebel that way.
Overthinking is my biggest problem I can overthink every single situation without even trying and when everything gets exhausted, I write.
It’s like my forte.
It sometime makes me miserable but this is the reason why I’m different from others because I’ve the power to analyse and write.